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- Online Dating Tips and Advice
Is Honesty The Best Policy?
The single most important thing of anything you could ever do when it comes to creating your online dating profile is to be honest. Look I know that competition for attention on online dating services is intense and it might sound tempting to stretch the truth a little or too blatantly lie, but making up things about yourself or posting pictures that aren’t really of you is only setting yourself up for failure and disappointment when you finally meet someone special someone.
Everyone’s biggest complaint about online dating is about all the liars out there. Telling porkies, white lies, massage the truth and exaggerating on your profile is just like lying on your CV. You know it could improve your chances, but you’ll look like a complete loser if you get sprung. You know the people who get online when they’re married, the people who shave ten years off their age. Claiming you’re an ace snow boarder or mountain biker might help you score a date with sexy Mr Extreme. But faking it online is the easy bit — faking it on top of a mountain could be a lot trickier.
Your profile is designed to help women form an opinion about you. Written correctly, your profile will entice her to contact you immediately. Women re-read profiles over and over again because they want to get to know who you are and they want to get excited about meeting you. The more you put in your profile that expresses your personality, the easier it is for a woman to decide to email you because she'll have a better idea of what to talk about with you. The major problem that occurs when men are less than honest occurs after you've gone out on a date with a woman. She will go back after the date and re-read your profile to see if there are any discrepancies. It's almost like she is looking to see if you're as real as you appear to be. So make sure everything you write in your profile is totally representative of who you are right now in your life.
Honesty gets more results
In creating a picture of yourself and in preparing to write your profile, its human nature to want to present yourself in the most flattering way, but at the same time it’s not your duty to leave an absurdly inaccurate cyber footprint of yourself. Besides, the beauty of online dating is the fact that it opens up a whole world of possibilities when it comes to finding a potential cyber-suitor and being honest with your portfolio will able you to find someone that is attracted to you for who you really are.
The thing s you leave out or conveniently forget to mention are part of the process. For example, you may be a smoker, but you know that will limit who responds to your profile. That’s why this isn’t as easy as it sounds. The little things that you choose to leave out may end up being deal-breakers. And even the truths you choose to put in, that we encourage you to put in, may also trouble. You may like to have a glass of wine each night with dinner. When you fill in your form, you get to the “drinks” question, and you’re faced with a decision: You drink everyday – but you really aren’t a “drinker”. How do you answer such a question in a form that only gives you the choices of “never”, “socially,” or “regularly,” and no space to explain?
Now if you answer “regularly,” many people may think you’re a heavy drinker, but you’re not. You may even just be following doctor’s advice. A glass a day keeps the doctor away so to speak.
In my own dating experience, I tend to be suspicious of everyone and I always ask the question…”Who’s truly hiding?” In over 10 years of online dating, I found that a large percentage of men (and I hear that women do it too), lie about themselves in one way or another. Typically, it's height that most men are dishonest about, and women most often lie about their weight. The best policy is to just put down the facts, or very close to the facts.
Be proud of your physicality
As a short man or heavy woman, you might feel compelled to add a few inches or take off a few pounds and before you do, think about this... If you're a short man and a woman is attracted to that, you're set. And if you're a heavy woman and a man is attracted to heavy women then you're also set. A potential disaster will be brewing if you lie about your height (or weight) because eventually you'll have to deal with the stress of that first meeting, yep, they'll notice and you will lose major cool points and there's also the possibility that you'll lose their trust too.
One of the most tricky issues can be weight, and if you’re an ample body size, you need to be honest about it. Not only will it disappoint them when they meet you if you’ve lied, but your own confidence will plummet if you see disappointment on their face or hear it in their voice. Use the “Honest Understatement. ” Say something like “I’m large / ample / voluptuous / curvy,” etc. You don’t need to tell them your exact size, and if they need to ask it probably isn’t a successful match anyway.
For those things we cannot change such as age and height, learn to accept these and incorporate the positive aspects into your self-image. For example, I am tall and not petite and these things about me cannot he changed; if someone likes shorter petite women, I may not be their match. So be it, there are many men who like tall women, thank goodness!
Use subtle filters
Talk about your likes and dislikes, especially if it's something in a mate that you absolutely could not live with. This could be his/her smoking habits, need to sunbathe nude on the roof, getting totally coma drunk every weekend or really anything else that might "rub you the wrong way" (hmmm, or the right way). If you do not like something it's perfectly fine to mention it as this will "weed out" all the people that would end up wasting your (and their) time.
Likewise and probably more important to ensure your compatibility is to mention the things that you like to do, you know... your hobbies, favorite foods, taste in music. Nope, you don't have to reveal your entire life and personality online as a little mystery is always a good thing. Mentioning the type of relationship you seek will also align you to a similar person be it a short term relationship, friends, long term, physical only, marriage. If you're looking to get married one day, don't be afraid to say this, again you'll weed out those people looking for a friend only or just a warm body for a few hours (you know what I mean).
Be prepared to travel
Not only on the type of people that you can expect to write to, chat, or meet, but also to your potential geographic limitations. If you live in Seattle and have the opportunity to meet thousands of other single people that's great, however if you live in Smallville where your prospects number about a dozen or less then you have some geographic decisions to make. Do you want him/her to drive a couple hours to see you or date you? Would you want to drive that long or more to see someone else? Or will you be realistic, possibly lower your expectations and date people locally, even if the selection isn't as great? I can tell you that I had already made my decision to drive no more then an hour to meet my soul mate since the biggest city was about 50 minutes away and anything beyond an hour would have been too long for me. You might prefer more or less and the bottom line is that as long as it works for both of you then that's perfectly fine.
Security and safety
One last thing before we move to the next section, remember to never post your personal information especially your telephone number, email address, home address or your last name. Once you've confirmed the other person as trustworthy should you give out your personal information. In most all dating sites they have what's called a double-blind email system that ensures your true identity is protected and safe up until that point where you decide to reveal it.
Instant profile turn offs
So here are some of the things we advise you to avoid when creating your profile because they will come off as disingenuous, phony, smarmy, or tasteless.
· Anything referring to your sexual appetite or your sexual abilities.
· Description of your body parts.
· Commenting on how many partners you’ve been with.
· Bragging about how great you are.
· Saying that you’re hot or a bad boy/girl.
· Proclaiming that you’re on here on a dare.
Even if any or all of the above are true, they’re simply stupid things to put out there
Due to many people’s inability to see themselves as they are, hypocrisy runs rampant in the world of online dating. I have spoken with innumerable women who have called me to complain about all the liars they end up meeting, yet they don’t take any responsibility.
So As you write your initial profile, take your first pictures, and get ready to put it all together online, it’s a good time to look at it all with fresh eyes. Make sure you’ve done a good job of “selling” yourself without painting an unrealistic portrait.